The Creativity Play and Possibilities Retreat is done and I loved every second of it. 

We gathered in my studio on Butterstone Farm for 2 1/2 days of artful and soulful ceremony.

We were dancers, writers, artists, healers, musicians and sacred storytellers. 

We laughed, loved, learned, let go and leapt into joyful exploration. 

We were lovingly fed by the magical live food of Nourishing You’s Lennea Baird. 

Thanks to each woman for allowing me to take you on this spontaneous and spacious heart journey, for each of your delicious contributions and your deep feelings.

May we meet again and continue to play and explore the creative possibilities within our individual and collective Loving Inquiries.

It was such a joy and honour to be there with all of the inspiring women last night at The Gathering for the first Awesome Salt Spring Women live event. Group founder, Emma-Louise Elsey and I were excited to co-create such a fun evening at the new restaurant where Bryan Dubien and partner/ chef Johnny Duquette are committed to providing the community with a venue for eating local food, playing collaborative games and empowering the artistic!  

We look forward to growing a space for sharing our passions, dreams and desires for connection and collaboration.

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Rumi, The Guest House

A walk in the garden, spying on sparrow with its inspiring rhapsody and the robins’ intrepid darting.

A melancholy, another visitor today along with the towhee, woodpecker and junco. Wisteria evokes wonder, mist holds me as I move inside to dwell on the business and tenderness.

Lots to get done today and still I need this dropping in with words. Already pages full in my journal. The words soothe, like the birds.

Compassion lives here, in the telling, and retelling. Words have ears that allow a woman to share her story and know it all at once. A woman who knows that the story told is already changed, and in the next moment, would be told another way again. The telling, the sharing and the caring are important here. The listening, and the making space for all of it.

Am I not the strong and brave leader they expect? Only with these words, and the birds as my refuge and protection.

Here I am more than a brave woman leading strength to those in need of joy and creative enduring. Here I am also the tender young shoot, eager for emergence and the seed still sprouting, curious for its new unfolding. Here I am the enfolding earth beneath and all around, the hungry worm and the tent caterpillar surrounded by sister and brother crawlers. Here I am the cheet, cheet of the one who sings out and the branch on which it clings to stable.

Here the story expands, all the keys have their sacred gates to open. Here I am hummingbird nestled in the palm of a great pulsing, throbbing heart. Feeling, feeling with. Being compassion. Keeping love alive.

Yesterday I wrote a very short story about a girl who was wide-awake. Today I fell into a deep sleep again. And now, with these words, the light turns on. I am flowing.

Sometimes I can’t believe how much this body experiences. Stress, the way it hovers in the chest, a heart-burning for some relief and yet there is that flyer to get done, the workshop to prepare, the one-to-one to sit with. There is always something more to do. And I am good at this loving. I have spent years working at it, playing at it, writing about it, developing characters and a thesis even. Yup. Got my phD in loving. Turned a few heads with that one.

Such pressure I feel to figure it all out. To make a living. It’s that story I have, that still plays, that I can’t do it, won’t. That I have to make up for all the years I wasn’t working, was studying. I want to love the words out of me, like this, and the tears come. This is what I teach. Taking care of ourselves with words, and more, finding the joy, the reverence for life, celebrating it all.

The hands keep going and it makes it better these strokes of battered ink, it makes it all flow, keeps the heart pumping and the mind if not steady then prepared for the next question or reread.

And I am looking for something here. What? Love of course. Acceptance, and for this darn pain to go away. Aversion and clinging. It’s all here.

No vacations. Am I bitter? I need to meditate. What am I looking for outside of me?

There is nothing but this and everything around it. All life, with this pain and struggle and stubborn resistance and compassion in it.

How do you use words in your own life to cope, to heal, to be with what is?

Learning to love a landscape, like learning to love anything, means learning its details and noticing the way in which one’s involvement with those details is interesting and influential. Davis, Luce-Kapler & Sumara

I awoke from a dream in which the world outside was in the midst of an intense storm whose high winds sounded like they might topple the loft. When I got up, I saw  that the farm was being assailed with furious gusts of quickening snow, adding breath and breadth to the already foot-high ghost land.

My dear friend Ariana Salvo tagged me as one of her favourite writers, to be part of ‘The Next Big Thing”.

It works like this: an author answers the ten questions below on his/her blog and then tags up to 5 other writers to do the same the following Wednesday.You’ll find the links to my favourites below, along with my answers to the questions. Make yourself a cup of something warm and enjoy.

1. What is the working title of your next book?

  Refuge     

2. Where did the idea come from for the book?

From 2008-2010, I wrote a Phd dissertation using poetry,narrative and photography in which I explored my relationships with the people and beings on the farm where I live,  on a small island on the West Coast of Canada. Since graduating, I have continued to write poems exploring life on the farm and how I learn to keep opening in love for the other beings here, whether it’s the birds or the horses or the man in my bed.

3. What genre does your book fall under?

poetry

4. What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?

To make a film from poems, that sounds delicious. Perhaps a bricolage of video poems. I would like to play myself.

5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Refuge is a book of poems about freedom, solitude, compassion and a different kind of belonging.

6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

My dream is to have it published by a certain canadian literary press (Gaspeareau Press). Theirs is the only hand-written rejection letter I have ever received. I was so touched by the editor’s sincerity and effort, I want to try them again with this new manuscript. And I love the books they publish.

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?

Some of the poems I wrote up to four years ago, and they are being edited still. Many are new, since October when I was at the Banff Centre on a writer’s retreat. I’m hoping to complete the manuscript by April 2013.

8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

Anything by Mary Oliver because she writes so much about nature. Don Mckay’s Birding, and Desire.

9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?

My relationship with nature is what continually inspires me. Whether I am being with birds, horses, dragonflies or deer, I am always learning about who I am, what it means to be human and how to love this world of diverse and mysterious beings.

As a Buddhist meditation practitioner, I find freedom, joy and relief from suffering through taking refuge in the three jewels (Buddha, dharma, sangha i.e. awareness, teachings, and community). Living and writing on the  farm, I also find healing and what the buddha called the ” pure heart’s release,” through my relationships with nature and in the creative process.

10. What else about the book might pique the reader’s interest?

Refuge isn’t only about safety, peacefulness and escape. It’s about engaging in an  intimacy with all life, accepting the realities of our impermanence and interdependence, and learning to not look away. Refuge is about how lucky I feel in this life to be able to love all these beings and to receive their love.

Here are my nominations for Next Big Thing including both writers:

Tess Wixted was born in California and found her way home to Canada. She is a meditator, yogi, cat wrangler and a bit of a Nibbana hound. She is also an author and Associate Editor for Life As A Human.

(www.dhammascribe.com/)

Lynda Monk is passionate about both writing for herself (journaling) and writing for others (through various publications including her Creative Wellness Museletter, blog, articles, etc.).    She is currently writing two books:  1) Writing Alone Together:  Journaling within a Circle of Women for Creativity, Compassion and Connection (co-authored with Dr. Ahava Shira and Wendy Judith Cutler) and 2) a memoir entitledUmbilical Cord: An Adoptee’s Journey from Loss to Love. You can access some of her published articles within free resources.

(www.creativewellnessworks.com)

We live in a world that is as complex as it is dynamic. Our interdependence with others and the world beyond ourselves is a fact, not an option. We are surrounded by other people and countless nonhuman species, by made and natural objects of the most extraordinary variety, by every imaginable kind of sensual and intellectual stimulation… Observing which events and experiences actually come into your awareness and find their way into your journal writing will help make you much more actively aware of what underpins your life—and the ceaselessly dynamic relationship between your inner and outer worlds.  

                                                                                                         Stephanie Dowrick

Another beautiful retreat with my A Year to Love mentoring group has come and gone. For 4 hours we shared, wrote, read, spoke, laughed, cried and held each other in the gaze of our love. We claimed our voices, passions and compassion. We shared our deepest vulnerabilities and our sweetest possibilities.

This is the way of love…

As I sit in my studio, empty now save the candles glowing in the middle of the room, I am feeling grateful for the opportunity to take this creative and spiritual  journey with such powerful, soulful women. As their teacher, I create a sacred healing space to help them reach their highest dreams and strongest visions. However, this is not a one-way journey. While I am teaching, I am also learning. Everything I offer, I receive generously in return.

This is the way of love…

It is reciprocal, multidimensional, always in process and always in flux. Today some of the women were not able to be here, either because they were sick or having had to focus on other necessary commitments. We held their spirits in our hearts as we walked through the gates of Perception and Interdependence. We savoured the preciousness of our time together, delighting in the teachings and the wisdom gleaned.

This is the way of love…

It takes time, patience, a willingness to welcome other teachers, to recognize when there is something that someone else can offer to the group. Today my dear friend and writing colleague Lynda Monk facilitated the first half of the afternoon retreat, offering the women her beautiful and accessible Life Source Writing Practice as a tool for deepening and expanding their journal writing. Her presence provided a gift of understanding and clarity.

This is the way of love…

Accepting with grace and humble acceptance that I do not have to do this work alone, and am not meant to. None of us are. We are all here to teach and learn from each other. As an orange bookmark on my desktop says “We need each other to flourish”.

What a gift to open my emails and find someone writing to me, saying, in essence, ‘I like what you have to say, and I like how how you say it!’

So this award comes with a few responsibilities including needing to thank the blogger who nominated me, which I am going to do right now: Thanks so much Tess, for taking the time to read my words and for gifting me this beautiful opportunity.

Next I am required to share 7 things about myself. Now it doesn’t specify what kinds of “things” so I’ve decided, since I realize (and am making this up as I write it here) that my “New Year’s” (that’s the Jewish New Year which starts on the 16th of this month) resolution is to bring more impish playfulness to my blog and my life, I will share my 7 favourite poems and give you a reason why I am choosing them. Okay here goes, and not in any particular order:

1. I am a Woman – This poem is long and is more of a performance than a written piece. I have shared it on many stages, including at my first ever reading at Black Sheep Books in Vancouver where the response was incredible. I wrote this in 1994, pre-Vagina Monologues, pre-Eve Ensler. It’s a retelling of the story of the original Eve, in the Garden of Eden, with a lot of erotic twists catalyzed by my encounter with a tempestuous serpent. In it I dramatically personify my genitalia: womb, vagina, clitoris, vulva, cunt.

2. The Game – Probably one of the most healing poems I have ever written, it allowed me to look with more compassion, curiousity and innocence at an experience that was mired in guilt, shame and anger.

3. Break the Glass – A poem based on a dream, it’s about a wedding ceremony that marries me with the people and natural place I call home. It’s on my upcoming CD, still in process.

4. The Man in Me – Besides the pleasure of the possibility, I love this poem because it permitted me to own those characteristics that are normally not ascribed to women. Yes, I am a girly girl at first glance (see my long flowing tresses and flower print dresses), however there is the “other” in me, and here I embodied many “others’. Actually I brought the inspiration of several different male consorts into this poem. (No I’m not telling which!)

5. Grace – As a poet, I often forget how I ever wrote them. This one is about a woman fighting for survival in an abusive domestic situation. She is determined to “move,” seeking refuge in a “hole in the couch” first, and then “a crack in the bathroom sink”. This may be the poem that I have performed the most. It’s like a mantra, a prayer, remininding me again and again of where I come from, how I got here (to poetry, love, compassion, the farm, Centre for Loving Inquiry).  She finds “love” in an unsuspecting place, with surprising “lovers”. Isn’t that the truth?!

6. Tango – I looooove to dance. I repeat, I looooove to dance. This one was inspired by my immersion over the course of one summer in the hypnotic rhythms and movements of the Argentinean Tango. You can watch a video of me “telling” the poem here.

7. Moonsnail – I found the particularly beautiful shell on the beach in 2000, but didn’t write the poem until three years later, in a poetry class with Salt Spring poet and writing teacher Lorraine Gane. I love these two lines: “How it came to be that you became my destiny/ Remembering why I came here, why I dream.” Each time I share them I learn something different about myself and the world.

(Just in case you are interested, all of the poems except for #3 are either on my CD or in my book, both of which can be read about and purchased here .)

Now I have to choose 15 or so blogs that inspire and delight me. Wow, this might take a while. So I will start with the ones I know and love. I will have to write another post after searching for some more.

routes of presence - Ariana Salvo is a dear friend whose writing is so beautiful, so descriptive, so lush and full of the wonder of nature and relationships.

pieces of her story - Sam Barlow shares the stories that she hasn’t told, those that have been hanging out below the surface of her life in this always courageous, poetic and insightful blog.

the green bough - Oriah Mountain Dreamer has written many beloved books about the life of the heart and the spirit. Here she offers marvelous tidbits of wisdom and joy.

chookooloonks - Karen Walrond’s book is called “The Beauty of DIfferent”. Her photos and her writing are honest, lovely and prolific.

kindred spirits project - Allen Schoen is a holistic veterinarian, the first one to bring chiropractic and other natural healing techniques to animals over two decades ago. He writes about human-animal connections in this powerful blog.

the sartorialist - Scott Schuman takes incredible photos of people on the streets of Milan, Paris, London and New York mostly, with a few side trips around Europe. I get a hit of beauty and inspiration when I open this blog.

4. Now I am asked to leave a comment at each blog nominated so they know to expect some new guests real soon.

In the meantime, enjoy the reading and seeing and being inspired. You never know what you might stumble upon…

Today is a child

full of wonder

radiating light

colour

it reaches out to you

with love

asks for your hand

a kiss on its forehead

clings to the hem of your heart

and expects you will be there

over and over

despite the hours you already played

read, danced in the garden

Today opens your eyes

peels back your fears,

mistakes you made

it forgets

the old doubt

lost call

missed contract

Today wraps you up in its arms

and listens to you

grateful for the soft fur of morning

warm milk of afternoon

dark web of sun going to sleep

behind houses

Today changes your clothes

combs your hair

waits and waits for the tantrum to

subside

Today your own face faces you in the mirror

Today you discover a sweet spot for spirit

your body nesting in a hug

woven of the goodness inside you

life has given you everything

you ever secretly wanted

and it is calling you all

the way home

“It’s my pleasure!”

I find myself saying this a lot in my life when someone thanks me for giving them something, whether it’s a mentoring session, help with their bags, a ride to town or a compliment about their outfit. “It’s my pleasure!” are the first words out of my mouth after they thank me. And it’s true, it is my pleasure to give.

I just love how incredibly fantastic it feels to know that I am contributing in some small way to someone else’s joy and happiness.

Here are 10 ways I’ve recently practiced generosity with others that have been “my pleasure”?

1. Listening to a friend’s story and being open without judgement to what they had to say.

2. Sharing an unpolished poem on the radio so that others feel the permission to be unpolished too!

3. Shopping in the Tuesday farmer’s market and making a fresh salad for my lover and I out of the local ingredients.

4. Reducing the rate for a workshop so that someone who really needs to be there but cannot afford it can come.

5. Building a shelf for a friend when she was at work so she didn’t have to do it when she was tired at the end of the day.

6. Letting the person I’m with decide what we do for the evening because they had a stronger need than I did.

7. Choosing to be silent in a group so that others had more time and space to receive the coaching they need.

8. Asking someone how they were doing because I know they’ve been having some challenges.

9. Doing the dishes after our meal even though it was my lover’s turn to wash them.

10. Helping a client to see how beautiful their voice is and how much their writing offers others.

WHAT ARE SOME WAYS YOU PRACTICE GIVING TO OTHERS THAT ARE ALSO “YOUR PLEASURE”?